Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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