Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
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I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
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You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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