So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
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Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
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I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
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