Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
