god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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