is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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