perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
