Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
