Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
