why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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