I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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