I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
