Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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