im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
