i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
