I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
