she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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