Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
tell me about the eggs
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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