i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
