I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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