It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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