yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
