it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
