We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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