1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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