we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
