he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
