I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
