Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
