something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
