He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
