you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
