Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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