Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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