I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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