we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Well I just put wine in my tea
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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