a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
