I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
