He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
