I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
