She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
