A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
