I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
as a side note pls kill me
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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