Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize