I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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