It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
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