I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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