You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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