O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
