I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
