i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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