I wannas sexs uuuuu
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
