did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
