thus making me awesome and them whores
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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