Tell her she can't have a vagina
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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