He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
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Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
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All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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