is your mom at the bar?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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