Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
