seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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