what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
