I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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