i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm getting married
To pizza
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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