I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
