She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
