Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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