apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
