i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
