im drinking this country out of the recession.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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