here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
