I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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