you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize