The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
