I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
