remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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